my eyes

i have this person.

dia jadi tmen gw sejak SMP.
lumayan dket.


tapi lusa kmrn..
gw melakukan suatu hal.
yang gw sendiri gak tau kalo gw capable doing it.
i asked
"kalo gw pergi dari hadapan lo selamanya. lo akan ngerasa kehilangan gak?"
gw nanya ini krn well, dia udah menemukan soulmatenya.
dan gw ngerasa gw gak dibutuhin lgi.
dia udh nemuin sejak sebulan lalu. makanya gw bingung knp gw bru nanya sekarang.
dia cuman bilang


"gak lah. kalo dia yang pergi, gw bru galau"


oh
itu udh tandanya.


for 5 minutes i'm angry
for 10 minutes i cry ditemani RSD - Satu Bintang di Langit Kelam
the rest, i go to sleep.
gak kuat


bsoknya.
gw membulatkan tekad gw.
gw memutuskan semua yang berhubungan dgn dia.
gw bilang ke dia
"I'm sorry. Semoga langgeng"
Itulah yang bisa gw katakan.


gw gak mau ada hubungan lagi ma dia.
Like Tiffany (소녀시대) sang in one of her songs
"제발 모른 채 지나가요 (please, just pass by pretending like you don't see me)
제발 눈길도 주지마요 (please, don't even give me a glance)
아무것도 내게 주지마요 (don't give anything to me)
처음본 것처럼 낯선사람처럼 (like it's the first time we've seen each other, like we're strangers)
지나가요 그래야만 해요 (just pass by. it has to be like that)"

It has to be like that
by myself, i send away my love
even if you're far away, i hope that you'll be happy
i bury my love deeply within my heart


kemarin.
just like the song One Last Cry by Brian McKnight, i did that while sleeping.

i didn't make any sound. just tears falling down from my eyes like it will never stop


today, i woke up. my eyes feel heavy. i touched it and it felt weird. i knew something was wrong. so i back to my cryable sleep. 3 hours later my eyes come back to its usual shape. thank goodness.


mungkin ada yang nanya.
knp gw lakuin ini.
well, i feel that it will be less painful if i hurt myself than someone else did it.


~fin


buat yang mau denger lagunya, silahkan..